Does not having kids keep you happy

by Amrit Hallan on August 12, 2008

This article refers to a study that has concluded that married couples who have no kids are happier than those who have kids. Although this is an America-based study, I wonder if it applies to parents from all backgrounds. Having kids surely comes with its attached baggage of troubles but so does not having kids. Having a kid is a life-altering event, and in the cases where the birth is not just an accident of having sex, it is a highly courageous and responsible step.

I agree with the study that it is our social conditioning in most of the cases that pushes us towards having a child. It’s like, everybody around you has children, and you feel the odd one out for not having one.

The study says:

No group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It’s such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not.

Personally I feel it depends on your situation. It’s better not to have kids if all the time you are going to feel miserable and make their lives miserable too. In fact I know some parents who should be arrested for having kids.

Alka and I have a daughter, and it sometimes feel we’ve never had a life of our own for a long time, but the joy she brings to us is also incomparable, and I’m not saying it just for the heck of saying it. When she is sleeping by my side and when I touch her the entire softness of the world fuses into that moment and I feel that life couldn’t be more beautiful and content.

  • http://www.teerathyatra.com J

    i’ve felt an immense improvement in my emotional well-being since the birth of my child. i opened myself to this unique experience, and it opened me up, manifold. i don’t know about the ‘my life’ bit .. as in yes .. my friends would say that i don’t have a “life” now, but then, now, this IS my life. what it was earlier, my lifestyle then, was what it WAS. and now this child, and what we have now is my life. and i love it, and wouldn’t have it any other way. :) and yes, if you feel you are not really up to it, don’t have kids just cos you feel you should. i, for one, feel blessed. :)

  • http://roadtokhalistan.blogspot.com Mai

    I think this whole thing of having kids is largely a matter of individual disposition. Some people are equipped to be parents and some are not.

    For me, being a mother was, in happiness and fulfillment, second only to the joy of being married to my husband. A lot of work and immeasurable responsibility, to be sure, but what could compare to looking into his eyes and knowing this little human had entered this world through my body? (Yes, he was a boy, and a girl would have been equally loved and welcomed.)

    For a successful marriage, I think it is necessary for ‘my life’ to become ‘our life’ to a great extent. I believe this is a small part of the concept of ‘one spirit in two bodies.’ This ‘our-lifeness’ must increase exponentially when a child enters the equation. There is a sacrifice of individualness – although not necessarily of individuality – a kind of merging to form a new familial unit.

    Lots of big words for a very simple and beautiful reality. If you are ready to be a parent, it is the greatest blessing on earth! At least it was for me.

  • http://www.destinationinfinity.co.nr Destination Infinity

    Is doing work and going to office increasing happiness among the people? These things are responsibilities. And the responsibilities are not for making people happy!

    Destination Infinity

  • http://roadtokhalistan.blogspot.com Mai

    Dear Destination Infinity,

    Why not? I cannot think of a single valid reason why fulfilling one’s responsibilities cannot be…fulfilling. One accomplishment here in this Maya-life is learning to meet our responsibilities in a joyful, enjoyable way.

    BTW, my destination is also infinity; I, however, insist on enjoying the journey.

    It’s all in the attitude.

    Chardi kala!

    Mai, TINK

  • http://www.teerathyatra.com J

    but then, most people (at least most people i know) don’t really see it as responsibility. and it can be anything, children, work. its just something that they love to do, enjoy doing, and hence they do it. again, its a very individual thing. don’t do it, if you don’t enjoy doing it. if you ‘have’ to do it, then what better way than to learn to first start enjoying it. :)

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