Conventional love is not everything in life

Yesterday after my usual “riyaaz” I was humming this song

Hue hum jinke liye barbad wo humko chahe kare na yaad
Jeevan bhar, jeevan bhar ubki yaad mei
Hum gaye jayenge, gaye jayenge

It translates to: for whom I destroyed my entire life, even if she never thinks of me, I’ll keep singing songs in her memory.

Theoretically these lines seem fine, but in the movie what he means is that now he will simply roam around the streets, do nothing else and just sing sad songs.

Love is without a doubt beautiful emotion and one time or another we all experience it. We also face rejection and degection, and sometimes also betrayal. Sadness and momentary depression too is normal. But some people get too obsessed and don’t know when to put a stop to their love binge.

These kind of people need urgent help, or counseling. They need to be shaken out the stupor they have gotten themselves into. If not taken care of in time it can be even fatal. I’m aware of 3 cases where people killed themselves because they were ditched for another person. There was a physiotherapist I used to know who had a promising career ahead of him. He was quite happy and upbeat when he was in Delhi. Then he went to Jalpaiguri to start a special school there and suddenly I heard he had jumped off a railway bridge and killed himself. He had been rejected by the girl he loved.

Then there was my cousin’s son who hanged himself because his girlfriend left him for another boy. His mother still hasn’t recovered from the trauma and keeps talking to her non-existent son.

My wife’s nephew told us about his friend’s elder brother who, again, hanged himself when he was betrayed or abandoned by the girl he loved. He was a promising footballer.

It’s totally unintentional that all the three instances listed above involve guys killing themselves for fickle-minded girls. But the point is, by killing yourself or by losing your balance of mind you aren’t proving your eternal love, or you are not going to cause lasting emotional pain to a person who has ceased to have feelings for you. All you are going to achieve is cause a lasting pain to your parents, your siblings, and all those who really care for you or love you. Losing yourself over “unrequited” love is a highly selfish act.

But I think it would be unfair to call these people “selfish”. They are going through extreme mental distress and during this distress the mind pushes either the self-destruction button, or goes into a deep depression where sound decisions are not possible. This period is very critical and the person needs some serious help. It’s not live, it’s an uncontrollable obsession.

Of course folklore, and these days films too promote such extreme emotions. There is a beautiful song to counter this destructive state of mind:

Chhod de saari duniyaa kisi ke  liye
Ye munaasib nahin aadmi ke liye
Pyaar se bhi zaroori kayi kaam hein
Pyaar sab kucch nahin zindagi ke liye

For those who don’t understand Hindi:

It’s not right to abandon the whole world
Just for a single person
There are many things more important than love
Love is not everything in life

It’s very appropriate.

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